Why is anger important?
We need anger to alert us to situations that need to be addressed in order to feel safe or respected. Anger is an energizing, mobilizing emotion. It gives us the energy, focus and determination to take the necessary action.
In order to work with anger in a helpful, not harmful, way, we must be aware that it arises, catch it, and work with it consciously. It means responding, not reacting to anger.
Be aware of the sensations you experience when you start to get angry. Are you clenching your jaw? Do you tense your shoulders or clench your fists? Are you starting to feel the ball in your stomach or frown? Write down what you notice and pay attention as often as you can when these sensations arise.
You may not be able to record all of these observations in the moment when you are irritated or angry, but try to increase your awareness of them by practicing being present as often as possible. The more aware you are of the signs of emerging anger, the stronger you will be to respond rather than react to it.
It's fine if you want to scream and say profanity, as long as you don't say it to anyone else. Write everything down. Then ask yourself, what would be a helpful response to that anger? An action you can take to help you feel safer or more comfortable is also to safely consider a response that could improve the situation rather than a reaction that is likely to make the situation worse. How can you respectfully express your needs and stand up for your truth?
You can then revisit the anger later and use journaling and inquiry techniques to clarify the anger's message for you. It really is your inner defender trying to protect you and remind you to value yourself. Anger matters – and so do you.