Mastering emotional intelligence. Unlocking emotions
To live harmoniously and have your health, both physical and mental, on point, it's crucial to know how to experience your emotions.
As kids, we don't hide our emotions - on the contrary, we express them as openly and demonstratively as possible, quickly letting them go and forgetting about them altogether. Once in adulthood, we are faced with norms that restrain us from childlike behavior. That's when emotional intelligence can be a helping hand.
Emotional intelligence provides us with the ability to experience our emotions and feelings meaningfully and in a healthy way.
Not mask, hide or completely deny them but actually deal with them. An ability to balance your inner child's feelings and adult's desires cleverly, the latter treating the child with great care, attention, as well as helping express their feelings sensibly.
This balance provides excellent potential to control emotions without suppressing but actually expressing them at one's will, at any time, place and way of expression.
That's what distinguishes emotional intelligence from childlike immediacy - when emotions are typically expressed through tantrums, breaking things out of anger and rolling uncontrollably on the floor.
Unexpressed emotions tend to build up, and look for an outlet sooner or later.
They morph into other unhealthy emotions: aggression, rage, and apathy, potentially resulting in psychosomatic illnesses.
This happens when we restrain certain emotions, which are considered "bad" - sadness, anger, envy, grief. They get bottled up, building up inside, which then transforms into severe chronic illnesses.
Unexpressed emotions often lead to bad habits and addictions.
How to experience emotions?
To experience an emotion is to let go through a full cycle. First, it's essential to recognize it and address it. Be honest with yourself: "Right now, I'm feeling this and that...". Ask yourself, "Why am I feeling the way I am? What caused it?"
It's crucial to let yourself immerse in that feeling, knowing it's okay to do so. Don't judge yourself, rather accept whatever you feel because you have the right to any emotion. There are no good or bad feelings and emotions, and there is nothing that we should forbid ourselves to experience and feel.
Think about whether the emotion requires physical expression and what's the best way to do it. For example, one can express anger by screaming out loud or hitting a pillow. Let your tears fall when feeling sad — it's better to be upset in a moment rather than depressed in the long run. If certain emotions leave you unsettled, be aware of them and try to have a positive outlook on them.
For example, when feeling envious, think that way: "Yes, I do feel envious. I want to have what this person has, and I will have it too — I deserve it." That is how you can turn unpleasant sensations into desire and motivation.
Developed emotional intelligence can help to understand not only your own feelings but also the feelings of others. Learning to understand and share emotions is fundamental when building deep and intimate relationships. In any critical situation, this ability allows you to maintain balance and find the best solution possible.
It's normal to find it challenging to recognize and be aware of certain emotions at first - we were not taught this as children. Instead, we were repeatedly told what we were not supposed to do. "Don't cry," "Don't laugh out loud," or "Shut up."
Therefore, when it comes to children's upbringing, it's crucial to help them recognize their feelings, understand and accept them, and let them know it's okay to do so. Help them find a healthy outlet for their feelings, avoiding any confrontation and prohibition. If you begin to help your children develop emotional intelligence at an early age, then in their adulthood, they will be able to build quality and effective communication with others.
Keeping a diary is a great way to help develop emotional intelligence. Whenever you feel any kind of emotion, just write it down on a piece of paper or your phone.
Make sure to break down what exactly you are feeling, how you would describe that feeling and what caused it. This would help distinguish between how you experience certain emotions - which you express freely and which you tend to bottle up.
Another tip that could be useful is visualizing your emotions. Where is a particular emotion located in your body, and how does it look? How does it feel, what color is it? Try to be aware of it and describe it. Visualize it inside of you and how it leaves your body appearing in front of you.
You can transform it into something more pleasant and joyful and then bring it back into yourself. Thus, you accept the emotion without neglecting it and adapt it to yourself.
In order to learn how to manage and understand your feelings, you may find a therapist or a group where you can share them and help others.
Emotions give us life, make us sympathetic and open to the world. Allow yourself to experience them, let your life become more harmonious and fulfilled.